♬♪I'll believe you when, Oh, I'll believe you when, 

 I'll believe you when everything you say don't turn out wrong. ♪♫♩

--Matchbox Twenty

I'm ranting while I'm raving: "There's nothing here worth saving!"

So tell me now what more do you need?

Miguelos, I've lost the will for fighting over everything.   

and there's a few things I gotta say... make no mistake I'm mad.                                                   

Cause every good thing I had abandoned me.

Oh sad and lonesome me     

I'm the walking wounded                                                    

Did I say it to your face?                   

No? I guess I just can't find my place          

Why can't you just tell me what more do you need?                                             

"Come out tonight, come out with me baby

we'll throw the careful into the crazy

What I say is true: to make a fire you gotta burn a few...

We're like Romeo & Juliet...like good times that haven't happened yet."

40 Dogs- Bob Schneider.

Conversation in Rhyme

So much honesty and still no solution

walking wounds with mere courtesy

two stars collide, split, and divide

tired of this spinning, talking pollution

something more than you and me

You say you're still in love

If true, what can be done? 

--- The Shins, Kissing the Lipless

"Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect

the twists and turns of plot that took us from lovers to friends.

I'm thinking I should take that volume back off of the shelf

and crack it's weary spine to help remind myself..."

--Expo '86, Death Cab for Cutie

Kryptonite

I've been feeling quite disillusioned over the last week or so. Maybe its the change in the weather (though San Antonio simply goes from Hot to Less Hot) or maybe its the crippling reality of finals but I feel myself waking up to the realization that I don't know myself at all. The last semester has changed a lot. The year before even more. My life keeps changing and I keep adapting but all the sudden I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who are you?". 

I definitely feel older. Not just in the physical sense (yesterday I went running and the pain in my knees was horrible) but also mentally. The things that used to interest me don't. The food that I used to like, now inspires not even a second look. Someone asked me the other day what my hobbies are and I couldn't think of any. Yeah, I get it. I am in law school. My life consists of studying, sleeping, studying, eating, studying, listening, and studying. I have no hobbies except those which keep me sane (working out about 4 days a week and watching my weekly sitcoms spread out one night each).

I used to write (this doesn't really count because i have the distinct feeling my style is lacking).

I used to draw and paint (my painting was never that great but my pen and ink work was making strides)

I used to read the newspaper every morning over breakfast (now I don't read anything that doesn't come in textbook form)

Growing up it always seemed that we could retain those things that made us different if we simply tried enough but now I am starting to wonder. It's more than law school, this has been a shift that began slowly, imperceptibly, and now has made my life something I don't recognize. 

You think I'm so relaxed, nothing ever bothers me. Now, I realize it may just be apathy. I've been through some shit; some unexpected and a lot of my own making but I still lived it and all this....this is boring. This is simple. All of the possibilities laid before me make me feel

indestructible

Whatever happens, it is all livable. They're all swimming against the current as I sit on the shore. 

Invincible

Like Superman right before the kryptonite. 

"When I was young, change was an earthquake, destructive, painful, and complete; now change is a shifting sand, moving quietly, unnoticed until it is gone completely." -- Moi

Changing Facebook

Q: And What are your religious views?

A: Religious views? Ha, do you have enough time? I suppose my answer is…that…I don’t have answer. 

Q: you think you’re smart don’t you?

A: Generally speaking, yes. Maybe you’re just mad that I didn’t give you a canned answer- a quick response. Shouting from the rooftops with all assuredness that I have the answer the world is looking for…. I can tell you’re not amused. Well, I’m not a Christian. I know that.

Q: Well then what are you?

A: What am I? A Human? A person without a clue? Why do I have to prescribe to some set of beliefs? Sure, I know people who claim to not be Christian anymore. They feel like they don’t deserve the title. Like they aren’t good enough because they don’t actively participate. See, I’m not a Christian because, well, I’m not. It’s about identity [coughs]. Let me tell you something. I was a vegetarian for three years. One day I just decided that meat might not be that bad and I started eating chicken, then pork, and lastly beef. Now, that was two years ago and for a while I still called myself a vegetarian but I wasn’t. That’s the key [pause]. It was one of the identities I gave myself. It was one of the boxes I felt I fit into. Religion is just another box.

Q: Religion is a box?

 A: YES! It’s all a box. Democrat, Republican, Christian, Atheist, Aggie, Longhorn, Right, Wrong. What does it matter? I write; does that make me a writer? It’s all a box. Life is a box! Life is the ultimate box because it confines our every action. People see the face of God when they look at people; I just see dignity. The atheists I know are the most moral people you’ll ever meet. You wanna know why? Because they don’t live for anything other than what each person knows is right or wrong. When you are looking to yourself to see the answer, then the answer is much more beautiful than anything I could read out of some book…I mean…

 Q: Excuse me. I would actually just like to go ahead and get your answer so we can move on.

 A: oh…right, of course.

 Q: What are your religious views?

A: Can I check “other”?

I was certain that the season could be held between my arms;

but, just as summer's hold is fleeting,

I was here,

but now I'm gone.