Darlin'

"I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips, and
they both tell me we're better than this.
'Cause that's what I'm waiting for.
that's what i'm waiting for, aren't I?
that's what I'm waiting for darlin'. "


When did waiting for better become acting for nothing?

Last year around this time, I began the 'single thing'. I purposefuly remained single to clarify my mind and figure myself out. It all sounded very Zen. I would work out more, drink less, and come to find who the real 'clare' was. My longtime friends cheered my independence; I had always been the girl with the boyfriend and they were excited to see what I might find on my own. So I began my journey, full of my own pride and thinking that, when the time came, I could end my fast on love. Many long runs and attempted Yoga positions later, I decided to accept a date and get back out there. It all started out innocently enough, with someone I had known and wanted to date for a long time. But then one thing led to another and nothing seemed to work out. My friends who had cheered me at the starting line were now considering the various effects this jaunt into self-fulfillment had cost me. They began doing what is the gravestone of every single person's life: they set me up with their boyfriend's friends. A couple of dinners and some polite conversation later, I began to wonder where this Zen journey had left me. I had completed the journey; I had figured out exactly what I wanted, now I just had to find the guy. Three strikes was brought down to one and nobody was able to measure up. Not funny enough, not serious enough, oh wait too serious, but not smart enough, and definitely not cute enough... and again and again.

fuck Zen

I think my one year sojourn has become two

"Yeah!" they'll say, "You're a free woman!" they'll rant all the while whispering..."do you think we should set her up with Paul or Thomas?"

Tick, Tack, Tickle

The name of your name tickles my tongue
I open my mouth to give and say it loud
But the letters trip and fall onto the ground
‘Kiss me, call me’ you ask so pleasantly
One, two, three, an open mouth and then
I watch the consonants fall back down again
Eye to your eyes smile at my fumble
“When they open it is like a sunrise”, I say
Happy green that brightens my everyday
Tick, tack, tickle my words but then
There is only one that wants and needs to be said
I know! I’ll call you simply ‘Love’ instead

Random Song Lyrics from my Ipod set on random.

"falling in and out of love (something sweet to throw away)
i want something good to die for to make it beautiful to live
i want a new mistake, to lose is more than to hesitate."

"It's a backwards attraction to your forward eyes"

"the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned"

"All at once you look across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl"

"I don't know who kept track (I didn't know there was score),
but it looks like you're the winner and I ain't gonna play no more.
It's over, game over."

"I'm filled with guilt from things I've seen
your water's from a battle, mine's from a canteen
at night I hear the sounds of screams so I'm a light sleeper
the cause of life seems to get cheaper
out in the desert with my street sweeper
'the war is over', so says the speaker with the flight suit on
maybe to him i'm just a pawn so he can advance.
remember when I used to dance? Man, all I want to do is dance."

I'm Driving

I want a breeze, and an open mind
I want to swim in the ocean
and take my time for me--all me


So I'm finally graduating and moving away. This has been one of the best times of my life. I read somewhere that in your twenties, you're simply reacting. I felt like that for a long time. I felt like I was only reacting to the situations and people around me. I couldn't figure out why I didn't like dating, but then I realized it was because it all felt like a charade. Two people get dressed up to put their best faces forward. Small talk and cheap wine collide until you walk away-realizing there's nothing real. I'm tired of other people making the decisions. I'm tired of playing life like it's a spectator sport.
So I'm moving. Where? I don't know. What am I going to do? I haven't figured it out yet. But it's my life and it's the only one I've got.
And as far as dating......I think my next response will be- "welcome to my life; you're welcome to come along for the ride, but I'm driving"

This one goes out to the one I love....

I said my first prayer in months for you today. When you told me, I realized that you might not always be here. All our past fell away, and I was talking to the man that I had given my heart to years ago. We've been through it all, and because of that, I know I can always turn to you. I am humbled by your honesty and the power that remains between us.

God Bless You

I love you

For me, I have

Palms graze palms with silent prayers
Rusty lips reciting antiqued lines
‘Forgive me for I have...’
Sinned? Sinned. Sinned!
Have I sinned for…?
Sinned? Sinned. Sinned!
‘Forgive me for I have…’
Rusty lips reciting antiqued lines
Palms graze palms with silent prayers