we'll throw the careful into the crazy
What I say is true: to make a fire you gotta burn a few...
We're like Romeo & Juliet...like good times that haven't happened yet."
40 Dogs- Bob Schneider.
Showing posts with label A little love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A little love. Show all posts
Monday, February 23
Friday, January 9
Friday, April 4
Monday, March 31
words made pretty by dedication, slant of hand and careful dictation
a flower of lines drawn with skill, curving the twist of fluff and frill
extract each single you i miss, I want nothing more than this
but each grows more short, now in need of a line plus fort*
what counts six just one, more than I could have done
can flowers finally last, can words color our past
punctuation is close,so I'm switching to prose
I will not be afraid of what lies ahead. à la passé, j'ai dit c'est ça. je ne peux pas changer elle donc je reste et crois. de temps en temps, mon mots est française mais mon coeur est vrai...vrai à la pensée de toi*. My heart is true...true to the thought of you.
*stronger
* to the past, I said things are as they are. I cannot change it so I remain and believe. from time to time my words are french but my heart is true...true to the thought of you.
a flower of lines drawn with skill, curving the twist of fluff and frill
extract each single you i miss, I want nothing more than this
but each grows more short, now in need of a line plus fort*
what counts six just one, more than I could have done
can flowers finally last, can words color our past
punctuation is close,so I'm switching to prose
I will not be afraid of what lies ahead. à la passé, j'ai dit c'est ça. je ne peux pas changer elle donc je reste et crois. de temps en temps, mon mots est française mais mon coeur est vrai...vrai à la pensée de toi*. My heart is true...true to the thought of you.
*stronger
* to the past, I said things are as they are. I cannot change it so I remain and believe. from time to time my words are french but my heart is true...true to the thought of you.
Saturday, September 30
Table for one
I have been 21 for one month and four days. I suppose something magical is supposed to happen when you turn 21, why else would the government entrust me with alcohol? Though the interesting thing is something has happened. For one, I haven't been drunk since my birthday. It's not for lack of trying, I go out at least twice a week, but more from lack of desire. I believe there are moments when everything changes in your life. Now, you might not realize that a moment has just occured and the effects might not be felt for weeks or months; but with the benefit of hindsight you can see that moment for what it was, life changing. That night for me was July 29. It has become so infamous that my roommate and I simply refer to it as "that night". I can't explain what all happened that night, nor do I want to. What I will say is this; I pushed my boundaries to see where they might lead and when I found their inevitable end, it freaked me out. I swore off alcohol the next morning but that ended the next weekend when my friend Anthony came to town. And then my best-friend flew in from Montana and so we had to party it up. Every time I woke up in the morning I wished I had had one drink less (or two or three some nights). It wasn't that I found anything wrong with drinking in and of itself. It was that I didn't like the way I acted when I was intoxicated.
After Mike and I had been dating for about 9 months he proposed. Granted, he was incredibly wasted, yet he got down on one knee in the middle of a pool hall and asked for my hand in marriage. He told me that "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts". I believed this. I still turned him down, of course, but from that day on I believed that the way I acted when i was drunk was the real me. What was I like? Well I loved to dance, could talk to anyone, and was superb at flirting. I was a riot. My friends bought me drinks if I didn't have cash because they loved the ball of energy I turned into. Then things began to change.
I would sit watching people, wanting to be real. I wanted to say things I couldn't say before and wanted people to believe them. I remember falling head over heels for a friend of mine and finally telling him...when I was drunk. The next morning I felt like a fool. I had meant everything but the alcohol had voided all of it. Two days later was my birthday...
Now here I am. It's a friday night and I am writing on my computer instead of going out. This is probably the first friday I have stayed in since school began. Truth be told, I haven't had a drop of alcohol all week. I even bought my favorite wine to eat with dinner and ended up not opening it. Maybe something magical does happen when you turn 21, alcohol is no longer forbidden so I no longer crave it. Though I know that is a load of bollocks. I was England all last year and I partied with the best of them. Maybe I'm just growing up. I'm not saying I want to give up alcohol. I love sitting back with friends and drinking a cold Shiner Boch.
What I know is that I already have enough regrets to last a lifetime and I don't need any help making more.
I have been 21 for one month and four days. I suppose something magical is supposed to happen when you turn 21, why else would the government entrust me with alcohol? Though the interesting thing is something has happened. For one, I haven't been drunk since my birthday. It's not for lack of trying, I go out at least twice a week, but more from lack of desire. I believe there are moments when everything changes in your life. Now, you might not realize that a moment has just occured and the effects might not be felt for weeks or months; but with the benefit of hindsight you can see that moment for what it was, life changing. That night for me was July 29. It has become so infamous that my roommate and I simply refer to it as "that night". I can't explain what all happened that night, nor do I want to. What I will say is this; I pushed my boundaries to see where they might lead and when I found their inevitable end, it freaked me out. I swore off alcohol the next morning but that ended the next weekend when my friend Anthony came to town. And then my best-friend flew in from Montana and so we had to party it up. Every time I woke up in the morning I wished I had had one drink less (or two or three some nights). It wasn't that I found anything wrong with drinking in and of itself. It was that I didn't like the way I acted when I was intoxicated.
After Mike and I had been dating for about 9 months he proposed. Granted, he was incredibly wasted, yet he got down on one knee in the middle of a pool hall and asked for my hand in marriage. He told me that "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts". I believed this. I still turned him down, of course, but from that day on I believed that the way I acted when i was drunk was the real me. What was I like? Well I loved to dance, could talk to anyone, and was superb at flirting. I was a riot. My friends bought me drinks if I didn't have cash because they loved the ball of energy I turned into. Then things began to change.
I would sit watching people, wanting to be real. I wanted to say things I couldn't say before and wanted people to believe them. I remember falling head over heels for a friend of mine and finally telling him...when I was drunk. The next morning I felt like a fool. I had meant everything but the alcohol had voided all of it. Two days later was my birthday...
Now here I am. It's a friday night and I am writing on my computer instead of going out. This is probably the first friday I have stayed in since school began. Truth be told, I haven't had a drop of alcohol all week. I even bought my favorite wine to eat with dinner and ended up not opening it. Maybe something magical does happen when you turn 21, alcohol is no longer forbidden so I no longer crave it. Though I know that is a load of bollocks. I was England all last year and I partied with the best of them. Maybe I'm just growing up. I'm not saying I want to give up alcohol. I love sitting back with friends and drinking a cold Shiner Boch.
What I know is that I already have enough regrets to last a lifetime and I don't need any help making more.
Thursday, May 25
A Tired Game
it's such a tired game
will it ever stop?
how will this all play out
out of sight out of mind
By now we should know how to communicate
Instead of coming to blows, we're on a roll...
It's such a crying, crying, crying shame"
I know these lyrics by Jack Johnson are about war but they came to my mind today as I was talking to a friend about her recent break-up. My friend and I had met our respective boyfriends a week apart from each other and had really grown together as a foursome. When my boyfriend and I broke early this year they both talked to me about it and helped to show me that there was good in my ex. Now I am doing the same. It's hard when you're dealing with broken hearts because the gut reaction is to make the other to be pure evil. So as a friend to both of them I find myself in the sticky situation of showing my friend that her ex isn't that terrible of a person, just someone who made mistakes.
It makes me wonder about love and relationships at all. I have stated that I don't want to find Mr. Right yet because I'm not ready to settle down. But if that's what I really want then I am basically asking for another break-up. Another ritual mud-slinging contest to see who was the worse partner. And honestly I don't understand why it has to be this way. I fight myself constantly to not take my exe's words in the wrong context since we have now become friends. There are times when I still want to say that he is a crappy, no-good jerk but I refrain because I know these feelings are coming from a place of anger and pain that I thought was gone. A place in my heart that will grow smaller as time passes. As my friend will one day look back at her ex and see him as another person that she shared her life with for a while, a person that through his faults gave her more happiness than pain.
it's such a tired game
will it ever stop?
how will this all play out
out of sight out of mind
By now we should know how to communicate
Instead of coming to blows, we're on a roll...
It's such a crying, crying, crying shame"
I know these lyrics by Jack Johnson are about war but they came to my mind today as I was talking to a friend about her recent break-up. My friend and I had met our respective boyfriends a week apart from each other and had really grown together as a foursome. When my boyfriend and I broke early this year they both talked to me about it and helped to show me that there was good in my ex. Now I am doing the same. It's hard when you're dealing with broken hearts because the gut reaction is to make the other to be pure evil. So as a friend to both of them I find myself in the sticky situation of showing my friend that her ex isn't that terrible of a person, just someone who made mistakes.
It makes me wonder about love and relationships at all. I have stated that I don't want to find Mr. Right yet because I'm not ready to settle down. But if that's what I really want then I am basically asking for another break-up. Another ritual mud-slinging contest to see who was the worse partner. And honestly I don't understand why it has to be this way. I fight myself constantly to not take my exe's words in the wrong context since we have now become friends. There are times when I still want to say that he is a crappy, no-good jerk but I refrain because I know these feelings are coming from a place of anger and pain that I thought was gone. A place in my heart that will grow smaller as time passes. As my friend will one day look back at her ex and see him as another person that she shared her life with for a while, a person that through his faults gave her more happiness than pain.
Monday, May 1
Counting Crows and Love
"It seems like I should say, 'As long as this is Love'. But it's not all that easy."--Anna Begins, Counting Crows
Yeah that's right, the Counting Crows are doing a tour this summer. It is quite possible that I will die from excitement if I go. So to all my friends, goodbye.
On a serious note; I was reading my Bible this morning and I read one of my favorite passages. I know it's a lot of people's favorite but it's so great that I had to share it.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought ike a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see fce to face. Now I know in part,; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remian: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
"It seems like I should say, 'As long as this is Love'. But it's not all that easy."--Anna Begins, Counting Crows
Yeah that's right, the Counting Crows are doing a tour this summer. It is quite possible that I will die from excitement if I go. So to all my friends, goodbye.
On a serious note; I was reading my Bible this morning and I read one of my favorite passages. I know it's a lot of people's favorite but it's so great that I had to share it.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought ike a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see fce to face. Now I know in part,; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remian: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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