"Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect

the twists and turns of plot that took us from lovers to friends.

I'm thinking I should take that volume back off of the shelf

and crack it's weary spine to help remind myself..."

--Expo '86, Death Cab for Cutie

Kryptonite

I've been feeling quite disillusioned over the last week or so. Maybe its the change in the weather (though San Antonio simply goes from Hot to Less Hot) or maybe its the crippling reality of finals but I feel myself waking up to the realization that I don't know myself at all. The last semester has changed a lot. The year before even more. My life keeps changing and I keep adapting but all the sudden I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who are you?". 

I definitely feel older. Not just in the physical sense (yesterday I went running and the pain in my knees was horrible) but also mentally. The things that used to interest me don't. The food that I used to like, now inspires not even a second look. Someone asked me the other day what my hobbies are and I couldn't think of any. Yeah, I get it. I am in law school. My life consists of studying, sleeping, studying, eating, studying, listening, and studying. I have no hobbies except those which keep me sane (working out about 4 days a week and watching my weekly sitcoms spread out one night each).

I used to write (this doesn't really count because i have the distinct feeling my style is lacking).

I used to draw and paint (my painting was never that great but my pen and ink work was making strides)

I used to read the newspaper every morning over breakfast (now I don't read anything that doesn't come in textbook form)

Growing up it always seemed that we could retain those things that made us different if we simply tried enough but now I am starting to wonder. It's more than law school, this has been a shift that began slowly, imperceptibly, and now has made my life something I don't recognize. 

You think I'm so relaxed, nothing ever bothers me. Now, I realize it may just be apathy. I've been through some shit; some unexpected and a lot of my own making but I still lived it and all this....this is boring. This is simple. All of the possibilities laid before me make me feel

indestructible

Whatever happens, it is all livable. They're all swimming against the current as I sit on the shore. 

Invincible

Like Superman right before the kryptonite.