Who's Left and Who's Leaving


I'm back with scars to show
back with the streets I know will never take me anywhere but here...
we meet here for our dress rehearsal to say: "I wanted it this way"...
all this time lingers undefined
someone choose
who's left and who's leaving....
lists of all that you gave me
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest
the best parts of lonely....

This makes me think about my plans to leave the country. I remember one night in the airport in London, thinking of going home. I remember this thought hit me so powerfully, that some are left and others are leaving. I thought of ______'s anger that he was being left and my anger that he didn't understand what it meant to be leaving. Then I realized that it's the same. Whether you are the one being left, or the one leaving, it all hurts. The pain in each step as I walked away was echoed in them as they watched my feet.

Forgetting to Remember



"Tonight we drink to youth and holding fast the truth. I don't want to lose what I had as a boy. My heart still has a beat but love is now a feat as common as a cold day in L.A. Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder, is there a spell that I am under? Keeping me from seeing the real thing. Love hurts but sometimes it's a good hurt and it feels like I'm alive. Love sings when it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love I won't survive."

So I've started dating again and met some really nice guys. I'm enjoying the process after my break from dating. It's amazing the things I've learned about myself. And since no one reads this anyways, I'm going to share some.

1. I've learned my girlfriends are my best-friends. Nothing beats a girlfriend, someone to party with, to laugh with, and to cry with. I've never been so close to this many females in my life and I love it. They get me and they make a great sounding board for all of my crazy guy stories.

2. I love concerts, especially when you can get a beer, sit back, and enjoy the show.

3. The best memories are events that weren't planned. This is where having a boyfriend is boring. Maybe it's the guys I've been picking but I have never had as much fun as these past couple of months. Except for Anthony, who I will count as a friend forever.

4. I love waking up alone and setting my own agenda for the day.

5. Law and Order is overrated...sorry mike. If given the choice, I'd watch The Daily Show, Without a Trace, or South Park...but truth be told I never watch t.v....too busy hanging out with my awesome girlfriends.

6. I want to live in Paris, study Law in New York, study life in Asia, and travel somewhere different every month for my job. I want to be a world citizen that loves theatre and knows her Italian wines.

7. My perfect guy is older, smarter, and more ambitious than me.

8. I think religion is true but has been polluted by the masses.

9. I have nothing leftover. I am thankful for Josh, disappointed with Michael, puzzled by Richard, wiser because of Marcos, and honest for Anthony. As the song says, "there is only me."