My last post was made after I was talking to an old friend who was telling me that he had changed. It was also inspired by something I once heard, probably at a graduation speech, "I knew everything at 18." It seems to me that I too knew everything when I graduated high school and as time gets by I know less and less. My level of information on subjects has increased, my beliefs are still in tact, but the deep seated assurance you get when you know something without a doubt is fading. In some ways I might even becoming cynical. There's a postal service song I love called Clark Gable. A line from the song reads; "I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real." This is the way I feel. I hear songs by Bryan Adams and Edwin McCain that proclaim their undying love and I wonder if love like that is real. This blog for me is just an online journal basically. I don't claim to have any groundbreaking ideas, I'm just a young adult trying to figure things out in life.
I've read the comments on my posts and I appreciate the support and exchange of ideas. On this paticular post I am asking for someone else's thoughts.

It's funny how the older you get the less you deal in absolutes.

This is a picture of my friend Travis' kid.

Oh instincts are misleading. You shouldn't think what you're feeling. They don't tell you what you know you should want.

That's a line from Lightness by Death Cab for Cutie. It reminds me of a line from a matchbox twenty song:

everybody's trusting in their hearts like their hearts don't lie.

I try to keep these lines in my mind as I find myself being swayed by irrational thoughts. Like the thought that grand romantic endeavors are always good. Like your old love showing up at your door with flowers and a speech about how he never should have let you go. A romantic idea but then what happens afterwards? What happens next week when you realize that the things that drove the two of you apart are still there? And then you have to ask yourself if you want this because you have dreamed about it every night for the past 6 months or because it's really the right thing for you. My brother and his girlfriend broke up and then they had a grand reunion. He asked me before it happened, when he was planning his course of action, 'what happens after the fairy tale?' I told him that you live with it. Don't let your fairy tale be something you can't live with.

sometimes our hearts lie, and that's hard to remember.

Here's an excerpt from a short story I wrote when I was seventeen. I think it explains me very well and was also the inspiration for the name of my blog.

Sometimes I think I'm uncomfortable with myself. This thought comes in tiems of intense introspection, which in a way just looks like I'm self-abosrbed. The thought is proceeded by an inclination that somehow I don't fit in whatever state I am in and then it is succeeded by a small shaking of my head and the thought that I truly could think myself crazy...So here I am; daughter of Sue, sister of Hudson, and girlfriend of Josh. Sometimes as I walk down the street I stop and check to see if any of my labels are crooked. Maybe they are crowding each other out. Does the girlfriend of Josh really know Hudson or is she unaware of the other tall blonde that walks beside her constantly?

This excerpt explains the complicated landscape that is my brain. Hopefully I will be able to restrain my wandering mind from making this blog convaluted.