"...the dice was loaded from the start
and I bet and you exploded into my heart
and I forget I forget the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong...?"--Romeo and Juliet, covered by Edwin Mccain

There is a communication scholar named Sternberg who decided to study love. His studies led him to believe that love is made up of three things; passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is the "spark" in a relationship. Intimacy is the emotional connection you feel and commitment, well we all know what commitment is.
When you look at love this way you can begin to understand the complications that love can cause. When I was younger I asked my mom whom , among the men she had ever loved, was number one in her heart. My mom has been married 4 times but my young mind thought for sure there must be one that shone above the rest. She was quiet for a moment and then she said, "I loved them all differently and they were all the 'one' at that time in my life." I didn't understand her answer and pressed her for more. "Surely there must be one person you consider your soul mate", I pressed. "It's more complicated than that", was her simple answer. A couple of months ago she told me that my father, whom she has known since she was in elementary school, was the one that lingered in her heart over the years.
But it wasn't until this past summer in Interpersonal Communication that I began to really understand what it meant to love someone without giving them your whole heart. Sternberg's love triangle represents many different types of love. Infatuation is passion without intimacy and commitment. Empty love is high in commitment and low in intimacy and passion. Fatuous Love is high in passion and commitment but low in intimacy, this is rare and mostly found in societies that allow multiple wifes. The woman are close to each other instead of the husband but are still committed and passionate towards him. Companionate love is high commitment and intimacy with low or no passion.
In an earlier entry I wrote the lyrics to Ani DiFranco's School Night. When I first played this song for my boyfriend and showed him the lyrics he commented that the song was perfect for my situation. I knew what he meant but I asked him to explain. He was talking about the fact that I love him very much but my heart still belongs to a love I had before him. "And You'll never know, dear just how much I loved you. You'll probably think this was just my big excuse but I stand committed to a love that came before you and the fact that I adore you is but one of my truths." My heart broke for the man that understood more than I could explain. Also the fact that he wanted to be with me enough that he would take whatever he could get. Relational love is high in passion and intimacy but low in commitment. I love him I really do but that assurance that lies deep within your soul that lets you know that you are going to be with someone else forever can't be manufactured. Consummate love is high in all three components; love, intimacy, and passion. The Greeks called this love agape and it is the love told by Paul to the Corinthians.
There are other scholarly beliefs on love, that is based on the giver instead of the receiver. I choose to believe this version because I myself have felt differently about each person I loved.
Like my mom said, it's complicated.