The seasons make life appear disjointed. Years don't bring back memories, seasons do. Think about it, does 311's Amber sound like summer or does it sound like 2002? This summer I am reminded of my last. Three months of running head-first into self-destruction. A fall, winter, and spring have changed me into a woman.
Last summer my class was asked by my teacher (who was doing research on PSAs) why anorexia is more popular of a subject than bulimia. I told him it was because bulimia is choosing a coward's death. anorexics seems strong in a sense, their willpower is killing them. Anorexics will often feel proud of their behavior. There were times I hoped that one more purge would send my body into shock, that I would kill myself by eating oreos. bulimia is filling the soul while you empty the heart. Instead of death I found redemption and a way to help others. Don't congratulate me though, its the only thing you can do after living through your own circle of hell. The only way to understand an eating disorder is to go through one yourself. It's hard to explain the insanity that grips your mind. There is no way you can have willpower to beat a disease that has a basis in your self-control. One day at a time, praying constantly, is the only way. I tell my group I am a non-practing bulimic. I will always have that part of me but each day I choose life. Because bulimia is choosing a coward's death.