I would never again....the ending

She slept soundly next to me and I knew that her sleep was far easier than the questions that would occur upon her waking. I stared blankly out the window, watching the passing hills that had come to define my broken heart. I was leaving again and I wanted to scream. I wanted to say..
Fuck Leaving
Fuck Goodbyes
Anger is easier than sadness. She moved next to me, shifting to an unknown dream. I couldn't begin to explain what her presence meant to me. It had been a last minute revelation, that she would be travelling with me to the airport. I had been moved beyond words, never knowing this intimacy before. I had known love before with my family, strangers thrown together and commanded to love another. I had had lovers before, strangers who sleep together and therefore are commanded to love one another. This love was different. There was no give and take, just a state of being. A presence that did not require words. With no requests, all I could do was give.
Fuck Leaving
The train came to a slow stop and I softly bumped her shoulder. She awoke and I motioned with my eyes that it was time to go. It was I who led the way to the airport, having been through this station too many times. I had resolved to remain strong, the silence of our friendship helped. After we had found my flight and checked in my bags we went to eat breakfast. She had chosen a Burger King breakfast meal while I had bought a muffin and an extra water for her. She smiled gratefully and we settled back into our silence. It was these exchanges that others didn't understand. We would exchange small favors for each other without a word about paybacks or who had spent more on whom. I knew we both wanted to say something meaningful, but instead we discussed each others' schedules for the next week. I had wanted so much more for this moment, to have said or felt something that could be remembered forever. Instead I was left gazing at the airplanes coming in. Slowly, we began to watch the people around us, lives intermingling through a mixture of hellos and goodbyes.
Fuck Goodbyes
I knew it was getting late but we lingered longer at the table. I suppose we both believed that if we never moved towards the security gate I would never leave and this amazing experience would last forever. I was facing leaving a country where I had made my home for the past 9 months and yet...I could only sit there. Slowly we stood up and made our way to the gate. As we were walking, her eyes began to fill with tears. I was jealous over her ability to express all the emotions that were left alone in me. She reached into her bag and handed me a letter. I protested at first, embarassed that I had not thought of a similar token but she insisted that it was nothing. I took her gift and walked away. Once inside the safety of the airport lounge I opened her letter. She had copied down lyrics to our favorite songs and wrote about a friendship that would last forever.
I cried.
As my tears fell over my smile I knew; these were not the ones I had been waiting for. All the sadness I had been trying to express was lost in my overwhelming pride for our friendship. I looked up at the people around me, unconcerned about whether they had seen my reaction to her words. I wanted them to see that I had been given something that most people would never know, a true friendship. I wanted them to know that I would never again have to say goodbye.