"what if I got it wrong
and no poet or song
could put right what I got wrong
or make you feel I belong"--Coldplay, What If

I was reading some other blogs yesterday and I realized that there are issues I have yet to address on mine, namely Christianity. I don't know why it took me so long to get around to my own personal feelings on the subject. I have been a Christian since I was 13 years old. As I look back now it seems so young but my life has always been full of heartache so at thirteen I was far from the innocent girl you might think. Though the biggest test of my faith came much later at the age of 18. It's amazing how close two years ago can still seem sometimes. A number of factors came together to leave me feeling alone and unable to control my surroundings. If you have read earlier entries then you know about my battle with various eating disorders, namely bulemia. After reaching my bottom I went to Christian counseling and it quite literally saved my life. Now being here has been a test on its own. Europe is not religion central, to say the least. Out of my core group of friends, two are athiests, one is an agnostic, and the other is a struggling Christian like myself. One of my athiest friends tried to break my resolve toward Christianity by showing me how foolish it was. We would go rounds around each other and I tried all the basic "salvation arguments" in the book. Finally I told him about the things I had gone through two summers ago and what Christianity had done for me. I told him that I could never turn my back on God completely because of this experience. Finally he understood and we haven't fought over it since. We occasionally talk about theology but I'm not trying to convert him and he's not trying to convert me. Maybe there are those out there who think that I'm not doing my Christian duty by letting his beliefs be. Maybe I'm not. But in the end God isn't insecure and neither am I. My Christian walk is more of a stumbling, meandering stagger. I don't read my Bible like I should or go to church at all. I get annoyed when people act like Christianity is the only thing in their life worth talking about, namely my mother. As someone once so eloquently put it, "i'm not one of those christians that oozes with Godliness".

I don't know what any of this entry was supposed to mean except that my friends back home don't need to start worrying about my salvation yet and my friends here don't have to worry about me throwing a Bible at them yet.